[ That's a good move. And he seems fairly satisfied with that concession, at least... though god, don't even remind him about that part. ]
Damn right you should. [ There's a short laugh as he raises his glass to his lips again, followed by a shake of his head. ] Though surely you're not going to tell me you felt any differently.
[ As far as he's concerned, he has much more valid reason to be offended by that accusation than Julius does, but he's not delusional. ]
Good. Not that breaking your heart doesn't sound like a pretty good time, but, you know.
[ In spite of everything — where they are, the situation they're in, the fact that he's the only one getting drunk right now — something about this feels just a little bit like old times.
Not that their old times were ever really any good; everything had always been shit, when it came right down to it. Practically any memory the two of them shared that could pass for positive in his mind was obscured by a haze of alcohol or drenched in blood. And invariably, any time he thinks back on any of those moments, he just comes away from them feeling more bitter than before, reminded that those memories are all in the past because Julius decided to turn his back on the anger and desperation they were meant to share.
And that's how it is now, too. Maybe what Diluc had said about doing everyone a favor by killing someone who was slated to die anyway — maybe that hit close for both of them, and maybe it's something that they should be able to commiserate over, but it's not the same. As far as he can tell, Julius only cares about getting out of this alive because he wants to go back and die for someone else. Unforgivable, when he wants to get out of this alive because he wants to be alive, and he's the one with virtually no chance of ever returning.
His smirk fades, and he frowns down into his drink. ]
[ He makes a small noise in acknowledgement, before the room falls into a brief but – dare he think it – comfortable silence. It's hard to think that even after everything, they'd be here like this. Calling it nostalgic isn't exactly correct, given how things typically went with them when they were teenagers. But still, it's hard to complain, even if they've spent most of the time bickering.
And yet.
Julius sees that smirk fade, and he sighs, crossing over to the table and leaning against it, his hands going to either side for support. ]
You asked me a few weeks ago about whether I would be willing to send someone else to their death if whoever was the real killer was someone everyone pitied. [ pauses ] It probably would depend on the context, but as a pure hypothetical, I don't think I would. People know the risks that come with deciding to avoid detection. Having someone else pay for it just because its the "ethical" choice doesn't make it right.
[ He's aware of how hypocritical it probably sounds, but. He doesn't particularly care about the optics. ]
[ Well, he's glad Julius had to think for a few weeks about whether he'd sell him out or not, but he's not sure what he expected. He's not sure why he felt the need to come over this close to relay this, either, and he looks up at him from where he's seated with a flat expression for a few seconds. ]
...Right.
[ At least it's the answer he'd preferred, even if he doesn't love the circumstances of the delivery. And it's not like it isn't obvious why it's coming up again now.
He exhales, looking at his glass again. ]
Well. I guess it's a good thing I make it a rule not to get too personal with bartenders.
[ Or anyone else, for that matter, though a bar setting is pretty much the only kind in which he could see himself potentially letting his guard down at all. ]
[ That gets another quiet snort, as he looks down at Rideaux as he pushes his glasses back. ]
That would imply that you get personal with anyone, regardless of whether they serve you alcohol or not.
[ He turns back, picking a spot in the vinyl flooring and staring at it. ]
It's probably for the best that he didn't somehow find out any more about the chromatus before he did, otherwise it might've been a similar situation.
[ And that's part of what bothered Julius the most about what Diluc said, right before the part about doing everyone a favor – about Kimimaro selling his soul and letting himself become a monster in the process. There really isn't much of a difference between them, is there?
If you think that's some kind of jab at me, you'd better take a good look in the mirror.
[ How many years had he been the only person in the department who knew who Julius was going home to every night? Pretty much no one else left there now even knew what Julius's original name had been or that he had any special connection to Bisley — the upside of nearly every agent kicking the bucket by 40 is that hardly anyone who was with Spirius when the two of them started there is still around to remember any details of their early years with the company.
In contrast, as much as Rideaux has taken care to keep the publicly known version of his personal history carefully curated, there's at least something out there for people to latch onto and relate to.
...And frankly, he might have been willing to share a few more off-the-record details with Julius in particular (ones that couldn't easily be weaponized against him, anyway) if he'd ever given any indication that he was interested in hearing them.
But whatever. ]
Possibly. Though he did seem to make a whole thing out of the idea that Dancer had chosen to seek out that power for himself. It's not like anyone ever asked us if we wanted this.
[ Though back then, before he knew about the hidden power he already had, he would have jumped at that chance to take it for himself if anyone had offered. Even if he'd known everything he knows now, thinking back to how desperate his situation had been, he's sure he still would have.
There'd been a brief time where Bisley had seemed almost like a savior to him. Fucking pisses him off to think about that now. ]
I imagine it also would have helped that we don't look... well, like that.
[ By the way he pointedly ignores that comeback, he's essentially agreeing without saying it. He had to tell Ludger about the soul bridge in a letter, there was no way much else about what he'd done would ever see the light of day. ]
No, I guess not.
[ That didn't stop Julius from using Ludger, early on. He was only taking care of him out of guilt, but also for the added benefit of being able to use that second pocketwatch to increase the power of his chromatus. So for all intents and purposes, he doesn't really see a whole lot of a difference, as far as Julius was concerned. ]
It's quite the power to have access to, to be able to use your skeletal structure like that at will. I can't imagine it feels pleasant to use it.
Probably not. Though I'm sure he's managed to adjust to it if he's used it that much.
[ His eyes look briefly to the pill bottle there on the table, still mostly full. None of the drugs in this world have the same names as any they might be familiar with back home, but it's probably not hard to infer what these are for. ]
I wonder if he chose that power in particular, or if he was just willing to take anything and that was what he got.
[ He glances at the pill bottle, a question half forming, before he decides against it and turns back to the interesting spot in the floor. ]
That doesn't seem like anything that anyone would specifically choose, would it? At least, not how it manifests.
[ Diluc did call it a Curse Seal, after all. Doesn't sound pleasant, even if Kimimaro volunteered for it. Probably beats slowly turning into an alternate dimension, at least. ]
Not typically, but I don't know his life. It's not like children are known for rational decision making anyway; maybe he happened to be going through a phase at the time where he just thought skeletons were cool.
[ But yes, despite appearances, maybe not actually any worse than what they're stuck with.
Though on that subject... Hm.
He takes a drink, debating briefly whether he should really mention this in case it makes Julius more likely to use his power against him, and fuck if he's letting that happen. ...But, well, without little Ludger's watch on hand, they're probably on equal enough footing, actually. ]
...Catalyst transformations seem to be on hold here, by the way, or at least slowed. Not that I'm too eager to personally test the limits of that.
[ ... Well, that sort of answers the question that he had. It seemed weird that whatever had stopped his own progression wouldn't at least curb Rideaux's issues, but. Something came of it, he guesses. ]
It's good to know, at least. [ He says like he's known this whole time. That spot on the floor is looking pretty interesting right now. ] I have a feeling it probably won't be an issue, at least in the short term.
[ Like, even if Julius wasn't technically a sneeze away from turning into one at all times, it'd seem real anticlimactic for all that effort suppressing it to go to waste if one of them beefed it like that. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ Not that she'd ever had to ask him to do that, though it hadn't mattered anyway.
He takes a long drink. ]
Anyway, I exercised plenty of restraint. The kid's still in one piece, and I didn't even lay a finger on that oversized jackass.
no subject
I guess.
[ To be fair, that is restraint for him, comparatively speaking. They've both done a lot worse for much, much less. ]
I suppose I should be impressed that's all that happened, given your face when Robin was talking about us.
no subject
Damn right you should. [ There's a short laugh as he raises his glass to his lips again, followed by a shake of his head. ] Though surely you're not going to tell me you felt any differently.
[ As far as he's concerned, he has much more valid reason to be offended by that accusation than Julius does, but he's not delusional. ]
no subject
Not a chance.
no subject
[ In spite of everything — where they are, the situation they're in, the fact that he's the only one getting drunk right now — something about this feels just a little bit like old times.
Not that their old times were ever really any good; everything had always been shit, when it came right down to it. Practically any memory the two of them shared that could pass for positive in his mind was obscured by a haze of alcohol or drenched in blood. And invariably, any time he thinks back on any of those moments, he just comes away from them feeling more bitter than before, reminded that those memories are all in the past because Julius decided to turn his back on the anger and desperation they were meant to share.
And that's how it is now, too. Maybe what Diluc had said about doing everyone a favor by killing someone who was slated to die anyway — maybe that hit close for both of them, and maybe it's something that they should be able to commiserate over, but it's not the same. As far as he can tell, Julius only cares about getting out of this alive because he wants to go back and die for someone else. Unforgivable, when he wants to get out of this alive because he wants to be alive, and he's the one with virtually no chance of ever returning.
His smirk fades, and he frowns down into his drink. ]
no subject
And yet.
Julius sees that smirk fade, and he sighs, crossing over to the table and leaning against it, his hands going to either side for support. ]
You asked me a few weeks ago about whether I would be willing to send someone else to their death if whoever was the real killer was someone everyone pitied. [ pauses ] It probably would depend on the context, but as a pure hypothetical, I don't think I would. People know the risks that come with deciding to avoid detection. Having someone else pay for it just because its the "ethical" choice doesn't make it right.
[ He's aware of how hypocritical it probably sounds, but. He doesn't particularly care about the optics. ]
no subject
...Right.
[ At least it's the answer he'd preferred, even if he doesn't love the circumstances of the delivery. And it's not like it isn't obvious why it's coming up again now.
He exhales, looking at his glass again. ]
Well. I guess it's a good thing I make it a rule not to get too personal with bartenders.
[ Or anyone else, for that matter, though a bar setting is pretty much the only kind in which he could see himself potentially letting his guard down at all. ]
no subject
That would imply that you get personal with anyone, regardless of whether they serve you alcohol or not.
[ He turns back, picking a spot in the vinyl flooring and staring at it. ]
It's probably for the best that he didn't somehow find out any more about the chromatus before he did, otherwise it might've been a similar situation.
[ And that's part of what bothered Julius the most about what Diluc said, right before the part about doing everyone a favor – about Kimimaro selling his soul and letting himself become a monster in the process. There really isn't much of a difference between them, is there?
He hand goes to his left arm absentmindedly. ]
no subject
[ How many years had he been the only person in the department who knew who Julius was going home to every night? Pretty much no one else left there now even knew what Julius's original name had been or that he had any special connection to Bisley — the upside of nearly every agent kicking the bucket by 40 is that hardly anyone who was with Spirius when the two of them started there is still around to remember any details of their early years with the company.
In contrast, as much as Rideaux has taken care to keep the publicly known version of his personal history carefully curated, there's at least something out there for people to latch onto and relate to.
...And frankly, he might have been willing to share a few more off-the-record details with Julius in particular (ones that couldn't easily be weaponized against him, anyway) if he'd ever given any indication that he was interested in hearing them.
But whatever. ]
Possibly. Though he did seem to make a whole thing out of the idea that Dancer had chosen to seek out that power for himself. It's not like anyone ever asked us if we wanted this.
[ Though back then, before he knew about the hidden power he already had, he would have jumped at that chance to take it for himself if anyone had offered. Even if he'd known everything he knows now, thinking back to how desperate his situation had been, he's sure he still would have.
There'd been a brief time where Bisley had seemed almost like a savior to him. Fucking pisses him off to think about that now. ]
I imagine it also would have helped that we don't look... well, like that.
no subject
No, I guess not.
[ That didn't stop Julius from using Ludger, early on. He was only taking care of him out of guilt, but also for the added benefit of being able to use that second pocketwatch to increase the power of his chromatus. So for all intents and purposes, he doesn't really see a whole lot of a difference, as far as Julius was concerned. ]
It's quite the power to have access to, to be able to use your skeletal structure like that at will. I can't imagine it feels pleasant to use it.
no subject
[ His eyes look briefly to the pill bottle there on the table, still mostly full. None of the drugs in this world have the same names as any they might be familiar with back home, but it's probably not hard to infer what these are for. ]
I wonder if he chose that power in particular, or if he was just willing to take anything and that was what he got.
no subject
That doesn't seem like anything that anyone would specifically choose, would it? At least, not how it manifests.
[ Diluc did call it a Curse Seal, after all. Doesn't sound pleasant, even if Kimimaro volunteered for it. Probably beats slowly turning into an alternate dimension, at least. ]
no subject
Not typically, but I don't know his life. It's not like children are known for rational decision making anyway; maybe he happened to be going through a phase at the time where he just thought skeletons were cool.
[ But yes, despite appearances, maybe not actually any worse than what they're stuck with.
Though on that subject... Hm.
He takes a drink, debating briefly whether he should really mention this in case it makes Julius more likely to use his power against him, and fuck if he's letting that happen. ...But, well, without little Ludger's watch on hand, they're probably on equal enough footing, actually. ]
...Catalyst transformations seem to be on hold here, by the way, or at least slowed. Not that I'm too eager to personally test the limits of that.
no subject
It's good to know, at least. [ He says like he's known this whole time. That spot on the floor is looking pretty interesting right now. ] I have a feeling it probably won't be an issue, at least in the short term.
[ Like, even if Julius wasn't technically a sneeze away from turning into one at all times, it'd seem real anticlimactic for all that effort suppressing it to go to waste if one of them beefed it like that. ]